What This Blog Is

Clearly, I don’t have a set pattern for what I post here. I just kind of post what’s on my mind. Whether it’s my grandfather or a boy that’s not mine, it’s all how I’m feeling. I use writing to express myself, mostly because I’m not a big talker, but also because it’s the only way that I know how. It’s how I taught myself to cope with life and everything that it throws at me.

With that being said, I’m using this blog as a kind of record. How I feel at certain times, who has my heart, how many times it has been broken. It’s everything, yet when someone asks me what I’m doing, I’ll say nothing.


In the Desert

I’m tired of the leaving.
Everyone leaves.
You were supposed to stay.
You were my constant,
Always there.
Then you left.
You decided I wasn’t enough.
Just like everyone else.
Now I’m grabbing for memories,
They’ll fade over time.
But I’ve learned a lot
About myself,
And my feelings for you are forever.
I’m sorry.
I’m stranded.
I’m stuck.
I’m you-less.
And I’m sorry.

Rediscovering Old Writing

Feelings are tough. They’ll tell you when you’re lost, sad, or elated. But what we really notice is when they make us feel like a nail drawn to a magnet. And that magnet is normally another human being. Then sometimes that person doesn’t feel the same, or maybe they’re just shy like you are. It’s a confusing time, for sure, but one thing’s certain:
You want to be around them, talk to them, think of them, day dream about them every second of every day.

In my life, I have written more than I can keep up with. That includes little paragraphs here and there that get lost forever in the whim. Today I came across the paragraph above, and I realized that this is still very relevant to myself today. Whatever I was going through back then, I’m going through again.

While it’s sad to me that I’m back in this place, and I’m finding that the past does repeat itself, I also find this fact every important: I survived it back then, and I can survive it again.

17 Things I Learned During my 17th Year

  1. Five cups of coffee in one day is a bad idea.
  2. The dog on the side of the road is not more important than the traffic in front of you.
  3. Real friends always find their way back to one another.
  4. Cousins are your best friends.
  5. Be excited over the little things; these make life worth living.
  6. Parents only want you to be happy.
  7. Moms understand, and they want to help.
  8. There is no such thing as “too many books.”
  9. Teachers are the people that can change lives.
  10. Staying in touch with people from pre-school with can be one of the best decisions ever made.
  11. There is a great big world out there that no one has seen yet; explore it.
  12. Love doesn’t care about feelings; it will crush you. Repeatedly.
  13. Time doesn’t care if you’re ready; it’s going to keep marching on.
  14. If you find something you love to do, hold onto it and keep doing it.
  15. Sometimes life gets to the point where getting in your car, driving, and letting out a blood curling scream is the only way to keep from going crazy.
  16. High school isn’t an enemy.
  17. The future is horrifying; embrace the terror you feel.