Two Years Now

The aches are back, and the
pain doesn’t go away
when I go to sleep.
I’m alive but
without living because
you are gone. Life
is gray – it is
unbearable.

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Life

With the end,
Comes a beginning,
And with a beginning
Comes a new adventure.

When life hands you lemons,
And you hate the taste of lemons,
Take them anyway because Life
Could have handed you a knife instead.

When a door slams shut in your face,
Kick that door down,
Or at least knock it off its hinges
If you want what’s behind it badly enough.

There’s not a rule book on how to live,
So you have to find your own way
To deal with the things that you have to face,
And how you have to feel.

So when you get knocked down,
You can stay down for a while,
But for your own sake get back up
And show this life whose living it.

– National Poetry Month, 2018 (#4)

[“Life” was written in August 2015]

“Love isn’t roses…”*

Love is hard,
especially at a distance,
but it’s also the
easiest thing
I’ve ever done.

With you, the stars align –
I align –
and the fears fade away.
The monsters crawl back
under the bed and the
darkness recedes.

Love is finding out
that I am a “full person”
without you, but
life is so much better
with you beside me.

– National Poetry Month, 2018 (#3)

* Quote used as title is from Julie Murphy’s novel, Dumplin‘ (2015)

Depression (and Me)

It is waking up and still
feeling tired. It is
floating through life, everyone
else living around you.

There are days that I am fine,
and there are days I am not.
The Bad Days haunt my good days;
I know they attack quickly.

When they do, I hate myself-
my mind, my existence.
On the worst ones, I pray for
an end that is quick and soon.

But on my good days, I am
sure that I should be alive.
The sun shines brighter and so
I do too. My only wish
is that those days happened more.

-National Poetry Month, 2018 (#1)

An Excerpt from My Final Test on Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Explain your thoughts on if the events in the novel (Tralfamadorians and time travel, specifically) are real.

While I don’t believe in time travel personally, I do believe in the theory of Quantum Mechanics, something that I related to this novel the whole time I was reading it. The theory states that (much like the Tralfamadorian view) time doesn’t exist. There are hundreds of thousands of dimensions in the universe that humans can’t see; these dimensions hold different time periods, and we can be triggered into them sometimes. Dreaming is often seen as this type of phenomenon in the scientific field.
With that being said, I absolutely think that everything in this novel could be real. Obviously, it was very real for Vonnegut and Billy Pilgrim, who was not at all (in my opinion) crazy.

A Poem for the Empathetic Soul

I live in a human body,
And what I feel is not fair.
When you hurt,
I hurt.
When you cry,
I cry.
And I don’t even know you.

My empathy is a blessing.
My empathy is a curse.
I love it,
I hate it.
It makes me who I am.

I feel so many things,
And I can’t do anything about them.
I can’t mend his heart,
I can’t heal her mind.
I’m helpless to the hopeless.
I’m a companion to the lost.

If I could change the world,
I would make no one suffer.
I would make no one cry.
I would heal the body
And the brain.

Alas,
I live in a human body,
And what I feel is not fair.
When you hurt,
I hurt.
When you cry,
I cry.
It is who I am.

In the Desert

I’m tired of the leaving.
Everyone leaves.
You were supposed to stay.
You were my constant,
Always there.
Then you left.
You decided I wasn’t enough.
Just like everyone else.
Now I’m grabbing for memories,
Laughs,
Smiles.
They’ll fade over time.
But I’ve learned a lot
About myself,
And my feelings for you are forever.
I’m sorry.
I’m stranded.
I’m stuck.
I’m you-less.
And I’m sorry.